Delusions
by LostGirlLover
Summary: My first Castle fic, set at the ending of the Season 2 finale. Kate's reaction. It's probably OOC, but hey, I'm not a great writer. Plus, this was done at night, when I should have been doing my homework. Oops. Leave a review. Oh, this was meant to be a one-shot, but if you like it, I'll try to continue.
1. Chapter 1: Just A Fantasy

Note: This is my first Castle fic, so be nice. This is set at the end of the Season 2 finale. I haven't watched Castle lately (don't kill me) so tell me if I made any mistakes. Enjoy, and please leave a review. :)

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own Castle. (But I wish I did.)

* * *

Kate smiles at Gina, her grin barely concealing the fact that, inside, she was crumbling. "Castle… I am so happy for you guys! The Hamptons, right?"

Gina flashes a friendly smile, "Yup. And Kate, I just have to thank you for taking such good care of my Richard."

"I- Of course, don't mention it. You guys go on, have a great time. I've got some paperwork to do..." she mumbles vaguely. Giving Gina a brief wave, she ignores Castle. Hurrying away, she feels the worried gazes of Javi, Ryan, Lanie, and the Captain on her retreating back, she walks faster.

Tears stinging her eyes, she manages to make it to the women's bathroom, which was, thankfully empty. She grips the edge of one of the sinks with such intensity her knuckles turn white, needing to hold onto something for fear of her legs giving out underneath her. Trying to steel herself, she lifts her head, looking into the mirror, just in time to see the first tear find its way down her cheek. Lanie enters the room at a run, coming to a sudden halt when she sees Kate. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry…"

Nodding, Kate wraps her arms around her waist, trying to hold the broken pieces of herself together. Lanie hugs her, and at that, Kate's legs finally give out, and Lanie lowers the both of them to the ground, still firmly holding her. She remains there for a while, tears silently making their way down her pale cheeks. Neither she or Lanie need to speak. Then, as suddenly as the tears came, they disappear. She stands, and allows Lanie to wipe her face with wet paper towels, clearing away the evidence of her tears as best as she could. Then, together, they return to the room where Ryan, Esposito, and the Captain are waiting. Kate smiles at them, before stating that she was tired and wanted to get some sleep. Reluctantly, they let her, knowing they couldn't stop her anyway.

* * *

As soon as the locks are turned, the chain on the door fastened, Kate collapses, broken sobs wracking her slender frame. She tears at her clothing, the fabric seeming to make it harder to breathe. Somehow, she finds herself slumped on the couch, wearing only an oversized t-shirt, clutching her mother's ring so hard it was leaving a deep impression in the palm of her hand. She cries, cries for her mother, cries for the terrible things she has chosen to witness every day, but most of all, she cries for Castle.

He's been slowly chipping away at her defenses, trying to get her to open up to him, only to be the one to thrust a knife through her heart. But in a sick, twisted way, she is happy. At least her insane delusions of a relationship with him were finally proved to be just that. Fantasies. She was foolish for trusting someone like him so easily. Rick Castle was a free spirit, charming, handsome… Not the kind of guy with whom a girl like her could ever have any semblance of a future with. Her only regret was that she had listened to her heart instead of her mind, journeying down a path that, she should've realized, would have inevitably led to nothing but sorrow.

Katherine Beckett was a fool. Here she was, left brokenhearted and in tears, all because she had followed her heart. _Never again_, she vows, taking a shuddering breath as she wipes away the last of her tears. She would never put herself in a position to be hurt like this again. _E__ver_.


	2. Chapter 2: Limits

Note: This is a short chapter, so I apologize. I know, it's been days and this is all I could come up with? But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, juggling several fics on top of my schoolwork. Anyways, enjoy and leave a review! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. If I did, Kate and Castle would have ended up together MUCH earlier.

* * *

Kate throws herself into her work, solving cases with a speed that is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. Her formerly friendly yet guarded gaze now burns with a dangerous passion instead of comfort. Fiery determination radiates from her, threatening to consume anything that stands in her way. Her lips no longer quirk up in that smile she had so often tossed Castle's way, she now remains cold and impassive. Barely eating, barely sleeping, barely doing anything besides work, she spends more time there than at her own apartment. Remaining at the precinct at all hours of the night and day, her friends begin to worry.

"Yo, Beckett, if you're going for Detective of the Year, I think you've already got that in the bag," Esposito had remarked, tone joking, though his eyes shone with genuinely worry.

"No need to go super-Beckett on us, you should slow down, take a break," Ryan had added. Kate had just given them a glare before turning back to the murder board.

Kate has lost weight, her slim figure now borderline unhealthy. And her skin was paler than ever, tinged with a slightly sickly pallor. Dark circles ringed her eyes, which, when she was distracted, bore a lost, forlorn look. She brushed away their concerns, assuring them that she was fine. The desperate need to prove that she could solve cases without Castle, that she could function without him, fueled her to work even harder. She was straining against all of her limits, both physical and mental.

Tonight, Kate had been forced to go home early by the Captain, who had declared that she could not return to the precinct without a full night of sleep and a hearty breakfast. She now sat, beer in hand, on the couch. Her thoughts wander away from the case… And somehow find Castle.

Ugh. She shuts her eyes tightly, shaking her head back and forth, trying to rid herself of the image of his face. The bottle slips from her hands, shattering into pieces on the floor. "Shit," Kate mutters, bending down to grab the shards. After disposing of the broken bottle, she yanks open the fridge, scanning the contents. Anything besides the beer looked questionable… A knock on her door shoves the thought of food out of her mind.

Peering through the peephole, Kate sees Lanie standing outside, accompanied by Ryan and Esposito. "Open up, Kate," Lanie calls.

"We've got takeout," Esposito adds, nudging Ryan, who holds up a brown paper bag.

Yanking open the door, she frowns. "It's the middle of the night."

"That's never stopped anyone from enjoying some yummy Chinese food," the lovely M.E retorts, pulling Kate towards the couch.

Ryan and Esposito are tasked with finding plates, while Lanie sits with Kate. "Kate, I know that you know what I'm talking about when I say that you aren't okay."

"But-"

"Uh uh. Don't give me that. You need to talk to somebody, Kate. You need to let us in. We want to help you." Lanie says.

"Lanie… I… Not now, please," Kate implores.

"I know. But you will, right?"

"I will." Kate assures her.

She grins, "Good. Now we can enjoy some delicious food. Javi, you got the plates yet?"

Munching on the food, the group keeps the conversation lighthearted, never once trying to pry. Laughing at a joke of Javi's, Kate's phone begins to ring. Looking at the caller ID, her face turns grim. Castle's smiling picture is displayed. "It's Castle," she announces. Conflicting emotions grasp her. Anger, sadness, worry... Should she answer?


	3. Chapter 3: The Call

Note: Sorry for the really short chapter. I know it's been well over a week since I updated and you were probably expecting more. But my personal life has been really hectic. A very close friend of mine attempted suicide last week, and it has really affected me. That's why I haven't updated in so long. So, please read and leave a review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle in any way, shape, or form. This is simply a story written for the fans to enjoy.

* * *

Ignoring her more rational side, she answers. "Beckett," she says, her tone frosty.

"Hey, I was just wondering how you guys were doing. None of the others will answer my calls."

"Oh, we're doing just fine. Better, actually. We've been solving cases at a much faster rate," she replies, neglecting to add that it had been at the cost of her own health.

"Oh," he sounds disappointed, she can practically hear his shoulders slump. Serves him right.

"What? Did you really think you made that much of a difference solving cases with us?" she retorts, her voice like a knife, cold and sharp. "To be honest," she adds, while seeing Lanie, Javi, and Ryan's gazes simultaneously widen, "You actually held us back, Castle."

Her friends gasp, and for a moment, guilt stabs at her chest. "Oh," Castle repeats, "Okay, then. Um, I have to go now, Detective Beckett. Bye."

Kate tosses her phone onto the table, where it clatters noisily in the silent room. "Kate..." Ryan starts, followed by Esposito, "You just..."

"Whooped his ass," Lanie finishes, shocked.

Kate's smile is brittle and forced, along with a laugh, "Yeah, I guess I did."

They resume their lighthearted conversation, and after finishing the food, they begin cleaning up.

Later, hours after her friends leave, Kate sits on her bed, glaring at the stack of books on her nightstand. It was the complete Nikki Heat series, perched neatly one on top of the other. They lay there, in perfect condition, not even a speck of dust on their covers. Kate couldn't bring herself to remove them nor could she let them gather dust, so they stayed, and though Kate vowed never to open one, she kept them neat and tidy.

She reaches for the chain around her neck, slipping it off and delicately placing it on top off the stack of novels. Nightmares constantly plagued her dreams, and Kate was almost too afraid to face them every night. But she always did. Sooner or later, she would somehow fall asleep. And from there, the faces of the victims she saw and hadn't brought closure to yet were seared into her mind. Sometimes, she even saw her friends in the alley, in the same spot as her mother, gaping stab wounds having drained the life from them. She'd always wake up screaming.


End file.
